For blog with photos click here
http://depressionistlettersandpoetics.blogspot.com/2010/04/macchu-picchu-we-live-on-planet.html
For Shane
When I was a child I would sit down on a hill slope in front of my cousins house and look at the skyline. My parents had rented an apartment above the garage there and the farm had about 200 acres along with it. I can remember exploring and even more the emotional craving for more exploration, further exploration and solitary exploration. When I would sit and watch the world, like I did on the slope, it would dawn on me beyond the sky was space and planets and stars, but the greatest most thrilling realization was that I, myself, lived on a planet. I had heard of atoms by the age of 4, most likely, and the idea of 'being made of something' entertains me to this day and I thought of the world as an atom building
The world seemed gigantic until I thought about it in terms of the solar system. When my mother and I arrived in Peru, however, [...]
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The day was gray and the gray made the green shine somehow. Freckles of light filtered through the clouds and sparkled on the ground. Mountains and their valleys wandered as far as the eye could. Even from the plane there seemed be no other landscape in the world than this one.
Ahh, Peru...your body was breathtaking, even more than the altitude at which you reside. While, just to see you, would have been plenty, to lay my feet and head on your ground was like coming home.
My mother was smiling as we flew into port, everyone was. We all seemed to float through customs, high on mountain air, high from the lack of oxygen, high, topographically. Cusco airport was small and in the lobby we found a crowd awaiting our plane's arrival, a slew of tourism kiosks and a Peruvian band plucking out Andean rhythms. They were dressed in 'tradition' Andean garb with colors streaming out making the music seem even more lively. Several languages sounded in the mix of chatter. The smell [...]
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So I am 29 now. I didn't manage to make any money for the Nature Conservancy but I was reminded that I have more friends than I can count on my fingers. I want to thank everyone for their well wishes.I have been putting a lot of time lately learning Norwegian. I really enjoy learning a new language because it is rewarding; the more you speak it the better you become at thinking with in. Regardless of the rewards and any enjoyment I get out of the learning process, I still fight with the procrastinator in me every day. It seems so contradictory to love learning yet fight it with such trickery. Ah, but my senses will win!I think procrastination is a good subject to juxtapose with depression as they play off of each other and begin validating each other. When I am depressed and am thinking without the awareness that I am thinking in a depressed mind I tend to put off projects because I feel tired and heavy, or perhaps even ask myself what the point is.
Blogging is strange. I suspect that no one really reads my blogs but at the same time I can wonder if people stumble upon them, accidentally, and maybe have a good laugh. Rather, they would have a good life if I wasn't a depressionist, writing my way out of the patterns of depression.
I haven't been taking my medication for a couple of days. This is an awful thing to do because I know, every time, that I will end up in a sorry state. But I have trying to save the medicine skipping a day here and two days there because I am worried about being able to afford more. It isn't that expensive here in Norway as the socialist minded government believes in making things available for people. However, my husband and I going through a rough time, having just moved to a new location. It doesn't help that I cannot get job because I don't speak the language well enough. That will all come in due time I suppose. I shouldn't have stopped taking the medicine but each time I do I realize more and more [...]
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